Mama Was Mine

Hey Guys!

I had the privilege of sharing another story about Mama back in May of this year.  I was selected to be a cast member of Charleston’s Listen to Your Mother Show for 2018.  The link to the video is posted on YouTube is below:


The hard work and dedication of Becca Finley and Angie Mizzell, co-founders of Storytellers Today made it possible for me and the rest of the cast to tell their stories about motherhood.  Check them out at

They are amazing women!  Check out the video and let me know what you think!


Dede Kennedy

“Not My Jesus” Review

Product Review – “Not My Jesus” by Bob Fabey

This is my opinion. I am reviewing this as person who is a follower of Jesus Christ.  I do not have a Ph.D in Bible Scholar Stuff.  I am a wife and mother of two boys who enjoys movies and entertainment that I deem appropriate for me and my family.  Again, this is my opinion of a Christian book.  I’d love to talk to you about Jesus Christ in person.

Wowza.  The old saying “You can’t judge a book by it’s cover” is certainly appropriate in this case!  When I posted this image on my Facebook page, many people commented…it is definitely an attention-getter and caused some folks to raise an eyebrow or two.

nmjesus cover
I probably would have been mad to see this in a store and never read it, purely based on the cover image!

As I delved in, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the book gives a scripturally sound, accurate picture (see what I did there?) of Jesus Christ as the Son of God, the Godhead, and the Savior for our sins.  Believers and non-believers alike have many misconceptions of who Jesus is…like a genie in a bottle, a Santa Claus, a critical judge, or like our “Homeboy,” when He is much much more.

“Not My Jesus” is a call to action for Christians to examine our own, often-times limited view of who Jesus is; and with the power of the Holy Spirit, reflect a more accurate picture of Jesus to the world.  Fabey challenges us to embrace ALL of who Jesus Christ is and allow Him to love us, so we can in turn love others.

Bob Fabey’s comic approach and real-life correlations make the book easy and enjoyable to read.  It is usually difficult for me to entertain things that seem irreverent in relation to Jesus Christ and this was my stance in the beginning.  I was guarded and judgemental, much like the people the author describes in this book.

I was sure that this was going to be a book mocking Christians but it was just the opposite.  The book pointed me back to what the Bible says to do…LOVE THOSE THAT MAY MOCK CHRISTIANS instead of getting all salty about it like I was to begin with!!

Well played, Bob Fabey.  Well played.

On page 117, Fabey charges the reader…”We must love with reckless abandon.  Wouldn’t the world look different if Christians practiced what they said they believed?…The church would be a place of safety and refuge for those harassed souls looking for hope.”

Yes, it would indeed.

“”There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear.” – 1 John 4:18

Check out this video on YouTube of Bob Fabey talking about his book!!!!

Here is the purchase link:

Looking for a giveaway?  Visit the site below!

“Always Enough/Never Too Much”

Product Review – “Always Enough/Never Too Much”

This is my opinion. I am reviewing this as person who is follower of Jesus Christ.  A person who read a devotion book!!! I do not have a Ph.D in Bible Scholar Stuff.  I do not claim to be an expert.  I am a wife and mother of two boys who enjoys movies and entertainment that I deem appropriate for  me and my family.  Again, this is my opinion of a Christian book.  I’d love to talk to you about Jesus Christ in person.

I absolutely love, love, love this devotion book! Jess Connolly & Hayley Morgan bring their own perspectives to things in life that we as face…the pressure to be perfect, our insecurities, our doubts about what makes us unique, you name it!  The authors are women but I think that the thoughtful, concise devotions could be appreciated by both men and women.  Each one begins with a scripture from the Bible and is woven with personal experiences, Biblical truth and encouragement.  The book alternates between authors who both share their perspective on real life situations.  For me personally, I felt like they read my mail and knew exactly what to say to point me lovingly back to God!  They are long enough to be cohesive and clear,


but not too long that it would feel daunting to read…just perfect, in my opinion!!!

The book itself is very attractive – I have the hard back and it is a really cool flip book with a table of contents on each side that you could scan and dial in on a specific topic.  The size of the book is small enough to slip in a purse or bookbag and would be a great gift!!

Do yourself a favor and order one of these book online at! Or click below to win one!!!

Always Enough, Never Too Much: 100 Devotions to Quit Comparing, Stop Hiding, and Start Living Wild and Free

Available on


We’ve all been there. We know that sneaking, small voice in our heads all too well—you’re too loud. Too quiet. Too young. Too old. Too unimportant. Too ugly. Too silly. Too serious. You’re not as successful as she is—look at her perfect family, look at her high-powered job, look at her great hair and size 4 skinny jeans. Why can’t you be more like her—be more in general? Why do you expect so much from everyone? Why can’t you take up less space? Ask for less? Be less? The lies track well-worn paths in our minds and our hearts, wearing us down and making us question our role in God’s kingdom.

Jess Connolly and Hayley Morgan, bestselling authors of Wild and Free will help you replace those lies with God’s truth. This devotional flip-book is designed for you, the woman who feels like she can be both too much and not enough—sometimes in the same day. When you  banish lies and insecurities and find your identity in Jesus, you can embrace these truths: You are always enough. You are never too much.

Review of “Paul: Apostle of Christ”

This is my first product review and I am so excited to venture into this territory. 

This is my opinion. I am reviewing this as person who is follower of Jesus Christ.  A person who watched a movie about the apostle Paul, a hero of the Bible.  I do not have a Ph.D in Bible Scholar Stuff.  I do not claim to be an expert.  I am a wife and mother of two boys who enjoys movies and entertainment that I deem appropriate for my family.  Again, this is my opinion of a movie.  I’d love to talk to you about Jesus Christ in person.

“Why did he help that guy in charge of the prison after he was so mean to him?” asked my son’s friend, a sweet 11-year old boy who was watching “Paul: Apostle of Christ” with my family.

The question he asked got me in my guts, and I replied, “That is the million dollar question, Bud.  And that is what Jesus Christ tells us to do.”

The movie Paul: Apostle of Christ tells the story of Paul, during the last days of his life while he is in prison, waiting to be killed for spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  The movie drops us into Biblical times when Christians were persecuted and killed publicly.  The movie is set at the end of Paul’s life; and tells us about Luke risking his life to be with Paul and glean more of what the Lord has shown Paul.  Luke documents the teachings in writing, which are HUGE parts of the Bible.  The movie introduces us to Mauritius, a prison official, and shows us a glimpse of what life may have been like for the early Christians.

Paul: Apostle of Christ brought Biblical characters to life for me.  The film made a few of the heroes of our Faith and their experiences relatable.  I thought the acting was well-done, and believable.  I thought the dramatic themes were not heavy-handed, and conveyed the message enough to be thought-provoking and challenging.  The movie portrayed relationships well and believably, with just the right amount of tension that kept me engaged.  I found the story easy to follow and even if you were not familiar with the Bible you could watch this movie and not feel left out in the cold.  The beginning of Paul: Apostle of Christ was a little slow for me, but I hung in and became invested.

I really liked this movie.  I loved how everything pointed back to the Gospel, which is the Good News of Jesus Christ, that we are all sinners and need a Savior.  Paul is such an integral part of our Christian heritage and to see him presented as faithful to Jesus Christ until the end of his life was encouraging.  And to see Paul still dealing with the aftermath of his behavior before becoming a Christian would bolster anyone’s faith to persist.  Paul clung to Jesus and shows us that even after his zealous attempts to stop Christianity, he is received lovingly by his Heavenly Father.

You could say that Mauritius, another chief persecutor of Christians was also met by the Heavenly Father lovingly.  Mauritius exhausted every means possible to bring healing to his daughter.  He worshipped every idol, offered up every sacrifice and in the end, sought out the Christian “Healer,” the doctor Luke.  And healing was delivered lovingly by God through Luke.  

To see how Luke’s fervency to get to Paul, to risk it all for the cause of Jesus Christ was inspiring. To see the struggle that the Biblical Christians had…to serve Jesus in the face of persecution and death was heart-breaking but caused me to evaluate my often-times complacency in my Christian walk. And to see, on a personal level, this movie stir up discussion about Christianity in my own home from my kids and their friend is another tool to help fulfill our part of the Great Commission…to tell everyone about Jesus Christ.

Be sure to click here for a giveway!!!


When my first son was born, I was so excited to be a Mother for the first time but something else made me excited.  The meals people brought – people from our church, people from our work, or just friends wanting to help.

Listen, I am a lover of all foods and the ease of being able to pull something out of the freezer or warm something up was appreciated by me and my husband as we survived those first few weeks with a newborn baby.  I believed this to be an act of love from people who had had babies before us and knew what we, as new parents, would need.

I embraced this idea because I love food, clearly.  And uh, I don’t miss too many meals, if you know what I’m saying.  I’m what my mama calls “big boned.”  I’m into fitness…fitness donut in my mouth!!! If loving fried chicken is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.  I view serving food as loving on someone.  I guess it’s the Italian in me.  So to give a meal to someone brings me happiness.  Good thing I work in a restaurant!!

When I became pregnant with my second son, I anticipated his arrival and the arrival of the meals. I wondered what casseroles, and desserts we would get. People usually go big with this stuff.  I had gestational diabetes during both of my pregnancies so I really looked forward to going off diet and eating what I wanted.

One of my favorite dishes to get was lasagna.  I love lasagna, all kinds, all recipes.   Homemade sauce, store-bought sauce, quick cook pasta, regular pasta, I don’t discriminate!!!  It’s magic in one dish; delicious, satisfying, cheesy carb-loaded goodness.  Bring me the lasagna.  All day, e’ery day.

Fast forward several years…

I’m standing at the flagpole at my oldest son’s school, waiting for him to be dismissed from Kindergarten.  If you’ve been around me for more than 5 minutes, you know I’m a chatty person and usually say something, well, you know…extra.  It’s difficult for me to stand silently around someone. I will miss the non-verbal message that you aren’t in the mood to chat because I’m too preoccupied with my own insecurities; I will try to make you laugh so that you don’t judge me or reject me.  Self-protection mechanism I’ve used for many decades.

On this particular day, a young father of a child that had been in preschool with my son had the misfortune of being beside me.  I knew his wife was pregnant with her second child so I smiled and said, “How are ya’ll doing?”

He said, “Fine.” (Read: doesn’t want to talk.)

I said, “How’s kindergarten going for y’all?”

He said, “Fine.” (Still doesn’t want to talk.)

I said, “How is your wife?”

He said, “Fine.” (Not interested.)

Undeterred, I said, “I’d love to bring you a meal after the baby is born.”

He said, “Oh, Ok,” and his child walked up and they left.

I was elated.  I couldn’t wait to bring them a meal! I could spread the love and hopefully lighten the load for the family.  I settled on my favorite dish, lasagna.  It would be amazing and they would love it and they would tell everyone about how awesome the lasagna was because I make great lasagna and they would be so happy about not having to cook!

The next time I saw him, I said, “Hey!!!  I will bring you a lasagna.  Just let me know when the baby is born and it’s there!”

He kind of waved and went on about his business.

As the weeks passed and I would see this man, and every time I did, I searched him out and asked about how his wife was doing and then I would cheerfully remind him that I was gonna bring him a lasagna. “Hey, bud, I got your lasagna coming!!! Just give me the date.”

Or some derivative of that, “Can’t wait to bring you a meal!  You are gonna love the lasagna!”

Sometimes it was just a “LASAGNA!”, accompanied by two thumbs up.

I was amped about this thing. Well, I didn’t see this man for a while and then suddenly I did!

I said, “Hey, oh, did your wife have the baby?”

He said, “She did.”

I said, “Great!  When can I bring the lasagna?”

He said, “You don’t have to do that.”

I said, “I know but I’d love to bless your family; it’s really no trouble,” and I told him how much it meant to me when my kids were born, the whole spiel.

He said, “I’m sure you are a busy lady and it’s not necessary.”

I pressed on, “I’m glad to bring some food,”

He dropped the hammer. “Ma’am, we don’t want your lasagna.”

I felt like I had been struck in the face.  I was shocked.  Who in the world doesn’t want a freaking delicious lasagna?  He must be nuts and why was he calling me “lady” and “ma’am?”

I said, “Oh, Ok.”

And he and his child and walked off.  I was mortified.  I thought what in the heck just happened?  I was coming in hot – on 10, ready to do something nice and I got shut down.

My son and I headed home and I was thinking about this whole thing, mystified.

Then I began to replay this scenario from his perspective….

Here’s this guy, minding his own business, waiting on his child.  And here comes this strange lady trying to talk to him.  He doesn’t know me from Adam.  I don’t know if he’s on a break from work and this is the only time he sees his kid during the day.  I don’t know what kind of stress he’s dealing with.  He may be stressed about providing for his family.  They may have food allergies, or they may not like to eat food cooked by other people.

Maybe this was a high-risk pregnancy and they were fearful and didn’t want to get too excited.  That’s how I was when I was pregnant with my second son.  We’d had a miscarriage between the two boys and it was a bittersweet time before my youngest was born.  I was afraid during most of that pregnancy that I would lose the baby, but that’s another story for another time.

I imagine he probably began to dread going to the flagpole.  I’m sure he was hoping I wouldn’t see him,  and he would get a break from having to have an awkward exchange with me.  I wonder if he talked to his wife and said, that lady from the school won’t stop bothering me about bringing a lasagna. He probably told his child to stay away from my child because his mom is a nut job.  He might have thought I was going to try to take his new baby, the way I was on and on, inserting myself into their business. A virtual stranger demanding to bring food to his home!!

It occurred to me that I wasn’t one bit concerned about what this man wanted.  I was concerned about was what I wanted.  I wonder how many cues I missed from him about not wanting me to interfere.  I wondered how many times had he tried to politely discourage me without me realizing it?  How many subtle cues had I missed about not wanting the lasagna for whatever reason? I had no regard for what he wanted or what his family wanted I was just intent on doing what I wanted.  I’m was just hammering him down about lasagna like a deranged maniac.

This situation is often like times with me and the Lord.  I am so intent on doing what I want. It may be a harmless thing or a good thing, but I’m just coming with a full-court press, undeterred, without seeking the Lord’s will.  He gives me subtle cues that I miss, like if something I want is just out of reach, or not materializing and I’m just plugging along insisting on my way.  If I stop and listen, He’s always guiding me. And He loves me enough to set a boundary or give me a “No,” as an answer to prayer.  Or maybe there’s something better in store.  Like maybe that family has a private chef!!! Who knows?

But if I look for Him, He’s in everything! And He’s always merciful and gracious to “refuse the lasagna” if it’s not the best for me.

Blessings and Love!!


PS:  I left message today for someone who’s recently had a baby, offering to bring them a meal.  I’m thinking, lasagna.



Little C

I was standing there, breathless in my jammies and red fuzzy slippers in the neighborhood next to mine.  I had on a cardigan sweater that I wear in the mornings.  I think it gives the appearance that I am dressed appropriately to take my kids to school.  But the jig was up.  I was on full display, sweaty and mad that I had to chase my dog, who we rescued from the shelter.

He’d run off, again, after I opened the car door to go inside the house to get legit dressed and ready for the day.  He loves a car ride, but it is always a roll of the dice when you open the door.  He may or may not run.  Today he ran.  You’d think I’d just put a leash on him but that would be too simple.  I likes to keep it exciting, but honestly, I’m hoping that he will trust me and stay with me.  I know it’s silly but it kind of hurts my feelings when he runs.

His name is Little C.

He is the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen in a dog, the polar opposite of our old dog Arnold.  Arnold was my husband’s baby and in Sean’s life before I was.  Arnold was a battle axe, and I’m pretty sure he would eat a tin can given the opportunity.  He was an Australian Cattle dog/Jack Russell mix and instilled fear in many a person.  Arnold took his job as a protector and herding dog seriously and would just as soon bite you as look at you.  We had a muzzle for him and used it often, and he looked like Dr. Lecter in “Silence of the Lambs” when he had it on, and at times he seemed as diabolical.

But he was Sean’s baby and a long time ago a wise woman I worked with told me when Sean and I were dating that if I was in love with the man, I needed to fall in love with the dog. So, I tried.  For a while I tolerated the dog, but then I came to love him in the way you love a growth you can’t get removed.

As the years went on, and Arnold aged, he began to lose his sass, his fire.  He slowed down and began to gray around his eyes.  In the months before his 18th birthday, his lost the ability to get up and down the steps to go outside.  Yes, you read that right, 18.  18 years old.  People years, not dog years.  His little body began to fail and Sean and I both knew his time was with us was close to coming to an end. We, along with our veterinarian, determined that the most kind and loving thing to do would be to send him over the rainbow bridge.  It was one of the hardest things we’ve had to do but Sean and I were with him, holding him right to the end.  The next hardest thing was telling our boys and being with them as they grieved the loss of their Arnold, as flawed as he was. And I had a hard time facing the fact that another little piece of my boys’ innocence was taken as they faced a hard truth in life, a precursor to so many more they will face.

But joy follows, doesn’t it? Though the sorrow may last for the night, the joy comes in the morning!!! (That’s in Psalm in the Bible.)

Fast forward a week or two later, out of the blue, my youngest son says while we were riding in the car, “I want you to start calling me Little C.”  I said, “Little C.  What does the C stand for?” He said, “Little Cookie!”  We didn’t think too much about this because, that’s just my son, always with a joke or tale.

Discussions were taking place at home about getting another dog and I really didn’t want one.  I wanted a break from taking care of another thing for a hot minute. I was just a no for me, Dawg.  (See what I did there?) but the local animal society had an upcoming adoption event and we went, “just to look,” half-knowing it was time to get another dog.  We walked through the facility looking at the dogs in the pens, and reading their names and ages.  As we got near the last of the dogs, we saw it.  The name placard said Little C.

But there was no dog in the cage.  And we all kind of froze, looked at each other with wide eyes and panicked because we knew this was no coincidence. A dog named Little C!  How could it be?  It had to be the Lord!!!

Turns out that Little C outside playing with a military guy and he had first dibs.  The soldier left and we got our chance to play with the dog and there was no question. He was a 5 year-old shepherd mix, with a scar on his face and paw, who had just been brought back to the shelter for some undisclosed reason.  It was crystal clear that he’s seen a few things.  And we were just the family to love Little C.

There was no time to do adoption paperwork that day and as a family we agreed that this was for the best, that we weren’t making an emotional decision.  It was good to have the paws…I mean pause.  We talked of Little C that night, prayed and asked the Lord for peace if the dog was chosen before we could return.  My oldest son said, “If we get Little C, I’m gonna put a red bandana around his neck.”

When we go back the next day, we see Little C, with a red bandana around his neck that was not there the day before.

Some people say that they thank god for unanswered prayers. I will argue that no prayers are unanswered but that the Lords’s answer is no, not right now or I have something so much better.  In this instance, I thank the Lord for an unprayed-for answer.

Little C has brought challenges to us…he’s a runner.  But I’m known to be too.  When things begin to get tough, I’ll cut and haul tail. Or if I get intimidated or fearful, I’ll withdraw to avoid pain. You hurt my feelings, I’m gone.

He destroyed our window blinds.  A few times.  I’ve been known to destroy a thing or two. When I drank alcoholically I destroyed trust and relationships.  Today I still break stuff.  You can ask my husband about the handle on the pool pump or a nice wool Polo sweater he had.  C steals my shoes and my kids’ stuffed animals and smacks his mouth late at night and he kinda stinks.  But he also is evidence to us that the Lord loves us and hears us and is with us and is concerned with details and specifics of our lives.  And I believe that the Lord hopes we will not run, but choose to stay by His side. And tomorrow, I’ll load him in the car to take the kids to school and gamble on if he’ll run or not.  If he does, I’ll chase him and he will be received with love, just like the Lord receives us after he rescues and adopts us.

The Climb

“It’s the climb!!!”

That one line of that Miley Cyrus song was in my head on a loop…I don’t know any other words.  What I did know is that I was climbing up a hill covered with snow.  Let me break this down.  I don’t DO “climbing up a hill” and this snow was the most we’ve had in 25 years.

Honestly, to say I was climbing is a stretch.  I was mostly slipping and sliding, with a few full-on belly flops.  This 48-year old woman couldn’t make it happen.  My boots were meant to be cute, not to conquer snow.  I would turn my feet sideways, at the instruction of my husband and slowly….slide….downhill through the snow.

Many, many people – my kids’ friends and their parents, other people we didn’t know – surrounded me.  They were effortlessly climbing up and sledding down the snow-covered hill on boogie boards, cardboard boxes and toboggans made from found material their homes.  I felt like I was in a movie scene where everything slows down and goes silent, except for the sound of my heavy breathing.

I wasn’t even supposed to be on that hill.  Earlier in the day, Sean had to do some work so I sent my boys with my neighbors sledding down the biggest “mount” that Mount Pleasant has to offer – a giant hill at the overpass of I526.

I was sitting on my couch with my Bible praying that the kids would be safe, but have the time of their lives.  I live on the coast of South Carolina and am a “sit in my chair at the beach” kind of person.  In fact, I vehemently doubted the predicted white stuff would come until I was standing in the glorious, puffy cold flakes screaming like a banshee that it was snowing.

I’m not athletic, or as I say, too good in my body.  I know I’m strong, physically.  Like I can lift stuff and help Sean move furniture around and I can walk FOREVER! But an athlete, I am not. To balance or be graceful is just not who I am.  I need to stay firmly on the ground.

As evidenced by our summer trip to the mountains.  My husband and oldest son stepped easily into the river to cross over on the rocks.  I was so excited by the beauty of the mountains that I forgot myself for a hot minute and stepped onto the same rocks and promptly face-planted into the water.  I hoisted myself up and managed to get secured for a bit on a bigger rock and watched my youngest son bust his hiney not long after me.  My heart broke a little for him because I didn’t want him to be like me, unable to do things that require a little bit of confidence in your body.  I wanted him to be free! I watched my husband and older son jump around like gazelles on the algae-covered rocks.  Me and the little one stayed closer to the side of the river.

I am, like my Mama, a known faller.  Just ask my friends, or maybe one of my bosses.  I fell on the deck at the restaurant where I work and he said it looked like I “fell from the sky.” I also did the scorpion fall, you know where your back arches up like a scorpion, while carrying soup in the same restaurant.  Fell at Disney World while exiting “The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Undersea Adventure” and the whole freaking ride shut down.  Disney did not want that kind of potential lawsuit heat.  This is just a small sampling; ask my closest friends and they could lay a fall story on you.

My husband finished work and said, “Let’s go with the boys.”  So I went, and ended up in the snow, getting more and more embarrassed.  I wanted to quit, disappear, and teleport back to my home.

My son’s sweet friend said, “Mrs. Dede, are you ok?”

I said, “Mrs. Dede’s got this,” knowing I didn’t have it at all.

I couldn’t get any traction and was out of breath.  I dropped to my stomach and slid down.  My husband suggested I move down some, and try to climb a shorter distance and walk to the top of the hill.  He was with me the whole time, behind me, acting as a brake to keep my from sliding. In fact, he was holding a cup of coffee, sipping it occasionally, easily maneuvering through this whole ordeal.

But he didn’t leave me.

He wanted me to do it, because he knows me.  He knew I wanted to do it, and join in with the boys.  He knows that weird separation I feel from people, like I just don’t belong all the time and he wanted me to be included.

So he planted himself behind me, pushed me, encouraged me and then pulled me up to the guard rail of the interstate overpass, and I walked to the top with the others and they  were cheering me on, saying to get the “good boogie board with plastic on the bottom.”  I hooked my feet under the rails so I could position myself on the board, and laid down on my stomach and lifted my feet and flew!

It was awesome! Fast and furious!!

I could hear my sweet neighbor screaming, “Yes, Yes!”

I was laughing so hard.  It was a blast.

I started feeling grateful.  Grateful for the physical health that I have…I have all my limbs, I am not diagnosed with a terminal illness, I have strength, and can walk without assistance, I could go on and on.

I felt grateful to get out of my box of not doing things I want to do because of my body, or because of being afraid, or because “I don’t DO climbing up a hill.”

2 Timothy 1:7 says “For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love and of a sound mind.” This year I want to approach each day as I did yesterday. Open to do new things, and welcoming others into my life without fear of rejection or fear of being accepted, because Jesus Christ has already accepted me.  I am beginning to realize that the years are passing very quickly and I want to grab every opportunity for something new with gusto and zest and trusting the Lord with everything!!!!!!

Check out the actual footage of me sliding…2018 is going to be 20-Great-Teen!

Natural Sugar

He was making his coffee, this handsome husband of mine.  He poured it into his Tervis tumbler and reached for the small dish of natural sugar that lives by the coffee maker.  I knew it would be empty.

We ran out of natural sugar two days ago after I liberally put the last of it into my coffee cup, without a care in the world.  When I went to the cabinet to refill the dish after I’d used it all, there was none left.  I was outraged. How did this happen?  Why didn’t I know that we were out of natural sugar?  That is the only thing my husband likes.  I can use table sugar or even, Splenda.  How did the last of the natural sugar get gone without me knowing?

But my husband has taken great strides to make changes in his life to promote his health.  He has lost a significant amount of weight, kept it off for several years and turned his health around by choosing things like natural sugar.  And not eating fast food, and having juices or protein shakes instead of Chick Fil A.  And he works out.  Regularly.  Like you are supposed to if you want to take care of the temple that the Lord gave you!

He opened the canister and said, “Did you get any natural sugar?” I said, “No, I forgot.”

Truth is I didn’t forget. I kept putting it off because I had stuff to do. Exercising, meeting at work, taking peaches to Mom at Sandpiper Assisted Living, picking up the kids from school.  The thought of taking the boys with me to the grocery store makes me feel ill.

Just. Can’t. Do. It. With. My. Boys.

So the absence of natural sugar isn’t going to derail the train.

As I watched him move to the table sugar container, without issue or complaint, and put it in his cup, I wondered how he did that.  He just moved on without accusation or strife.  I remembered watching my Mama and Daddy in that very same kitchen probably 30 years ago have a discussion about brown sugar.  Mom needed some and asked Daddy if we had any.  Daddy did our grocery shopping and so he, being a retired supply man from the Air Force knew what the heck was in the cabinet and he confidently opened the door to retrieve what he knew was there, a box of brown sugar.  He pushed around some flour and 10x sugar but no brown sugar was found.

Then the silence.  Calm before the storm.  Dad exploded, “Why don’t we have any brown sugar? Why didn’t you tell me you used the last of it?” He was so frustrated and mad.  He took his groceries seriously and so do I.  It is our way of providing, taking care of the home, loving on you because I have what you might want.  Daddy was one of three boys that grew up in Maine with only their mother to take care of them.  Daddy’s father went out for cigarettes (or something else unimportant) and never came back when my Daddy was just 5 or 6 years old in the depression era.  So to say they struggled is a gross understatement. I think one of Daddy’s ways to take care of us was to stock that pantry with food!  So the compromise of the brown sugar cut him deep.  It was like he let Mom down.  So he got the keys to his car and went for brown sugar right then.

I wanted to get my keys and go for natural sugar for my husband, but I know that would  be extreme.  It is unnecessary for me to run out half-jacked up and irritated about something that is completely based on my emotions and experiences.  I could get some sugar in a little while, when I went out and everything would be fine.  My husband would not judge me as a slacker, a stay at home mom not doing her job, or as worthless.  He would be ok with having some tomorrow and I could be ok with not having something in the cabinet, which to me, is a way of not measuring up or being imperfect.

Truth is none of us are perfect, right?  But this little victory and acceptance of an absence in my inventory is huge for me.  I tend to live measuring myself based on my performance and what I can check off on my list of accomplishments, big or tiny. But that is not how my husband views me.  Or my loved ones, which includes my friends I have to check myself, though, and say, what would I say to my husband if he didn’t get the sugar?  I wouldn’t give a flip.  I would not change my love for him. Then I think about the Lord.  What does He think of us?  Is He mad that I mess up? Do my mistakes or missteps lessen His love for me?  If I miss the mark, self-imposed mark or Biblically decreed mark, does that change His love for me?  No way.  Never.  God Loves Me as much now as He ever did, or He ever will. Because that is who He is.